Weeds In The Basement

Preceded By: Pierre Miserables
Followed By: Weeds of Doubt

Weeds in the Basement is a 2009 comedy story written by Blix and BarricadeSkywalker.

Table of Contents

Setting

The initial entry into the Weeds series takes place in November 1994, in the Townhill cul-de-sac in the fictional Knotsburg (a play on Knot's Landing and Pittsburg) somewhere in either California or Texas (possibly both).

Plot

The story opens up from the perspective of Sal a security guard on duty at the Townhill mall watching the Katz family doing some holiday shopping via the closed circuit security monitors. Marcia gives her five children fifty dollars each to spend on gifts for the family (except for Reese who spends the entire time riding a coin-op rocketship). Marcia comes home later to see her neighbor (and rival) Gloria Stephensonsen leaving for work, Marcia invites Gloria over for Thanksgiving dinner but Gloria declines stating that she already has a family and that they don't eat turkey. Marcia asks Gloria if they are having a Christmas party this year or not and Gloria responds by saying that Christmas is both commercial scam and a pseudo-pagan religious sell-out and does not practice it nor allow it to be celebrated in her home. With that the ladies depart (after exchanging derogatories under their breath). Marcia phones her family and invites them over for Thanksgiving dinner and reminds them to bring a case of wine.

The next day both of Marcia's parents arrive with a box of wine adding to the two boxes she and Dan already bought. The family gathers at the table and begin drinking the wine and Marcia's mother, Lorraine complains about waiting for the food while listing all of her husband's faults. While the adults argue the Katz children sneak away from the table and enter the basement, believing that they will find a cure for their boredom. Todd comes across a box of vintage playboys, and Crystie uncovers a box full of old playgirls and modern house keeping. The siblings beging flipping through the various magazines.

Meanwhile next door neighbor Gloria Stephensonsen walks over with a spare "godless" thanksgiving pie to give to the Katz family, as she arrives she writes and attaches a post-it note reading: "Your god is false, there is no god. Get it right or else!" (the else part being underlined three times). Gloria knocks on the front door but no one answers so she goes around back to knock on the door when she catches the Katz children reading pornographic magazines from the basement window. Gloria screams out calling them "Filthy little Christians!" alerting Marcia and her parents to Gloria's presence. Gloria and Marcia engage in a violent argument and a brawl breaks out, a concerned neighbor phones the police who arrive within minutes to arrest everyone.

Later after the adults were apprehended, the Katz children go upstairs to see what is going on and realize that everyone is missing. Reese Katz, the mentally challenged one of the lot assumes that the rapture has ocurred and that their parents have been raptured into Heaven. The other siblings laugh his theory off as retarded and impossible and continue investigating the house. Angela Stephensonsen, Gloria's daughter goes next door in search of her mother and discovers the Katz children playing in the living room acting as though it is the rapture. Reese blurts out that it is the end times and the rapture to Angela, and Bill jokingly hints that they have to repopulate the world themselves. Mistaking their behavior for Christian Cultist brainwashing, Angela runs home to her twin brothers; Paul and John and inform them of the situation. They form a plan to lure the Katz children over to their house by offering free make overs for the girls (upstairs) and playstation and beer for the boys. Sue admits that would much rather have a beer and play Sons of Liberty, but Angela insists that she have a makeover with her sister. The Katz children suddenly realize that there is no free beer to be had and are actually being held under house arrest for being "incest". The Katz children argue that they haven't done anything, but Angela does not believe them and thinks they are under the influence of strong Christian conditioning and vows to keep them their until they are not attracted to one another.

Later, Gloria returns home to discover a ruckuss in her house. She goes downstairs to find Todd, Bill, and Reese being held captive by Paul and John. But before she can question them Marcia arrives looking for her kids and accuses Gloria of being a kidnapper. Another violent brawl breaks out and the police are once again called onto the scene, arresting all of the parties involved.

Characters

*Marcia Katz
*Lorraine Hammill
*Dan Katz
*Todd Katz
*Crystie Katz
*Bill Katz
*Sue Katz
*Reese Katz
*Gloria Stephensonsen
*Angela Stephensonsen
*Paul Stephensonsen
*John Stephensonsen
*Mr. Miller
*Sal (the security guard)

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