Pierre Hawkins
Pierre Hawkins
Nickname Rouge Gorge
Gender Male
Date of Birth October 31 1977 (34)
Starsign Scorpio
Birthplace Ozoir-la-Ferrière (FR)
Hometown Knotsburg
Race Caucasian
Nationality French/British-American
Height 5'11"
Weight 160 lbs
Hair Color Black
Eye Color Green & Blue
Job Unemployed
Status Alive

Pierre Rouge-Gorge Hawkins (b. October 31 1977 [34] Ozoir-La-Ferriere, France) is a resident of Knotsburg and illegally married to both Crystie Katz and Angela Stephensonsen at the same time.

Early Life

Pierre was born in Ozoir-la-Ferriere France by the prostitute Alouette LeFleur and fathered by Lord Alfred Hawkins. During his early childhood in France, Pierre was raised by his mother and aunts and was often tasked with picking people's pockets and luring rich Caucasian American tourists to his aunt's brothel in the rural countryside of France (where his mother worked, and where he and she lived). Growing up Pierre's favorite movie was Gay Purr-ee an animated movie featuring the voices of Robert Goulet and Judy Garland. At the age of seven Pierre was sent to Manchester, England to live with his father for being an "annoying little bastard" and interfering with his aunt's business (his mother abanonded him when she left to join "some religious school that hunts and slays demons"). Pierre lived with his father in Manchester until his tenth birthday, where upon he and his faher relocated to Los Angeles, California via circa 1987. Pierre's transfer from an English academy to an American public high scool was difficult, and he did not transition well and ended up dropping out of school at the age of sixteen in order to pursue other endeavours.

Early Adulthood

Pierre had planned on getting his GED but he kept forgetting and eventually it fell through altogether. Pierre met a man named Spider at the Acid Rain Club where he expressed an interest in music and formed a band called The Cowardly (a parody of the Bravery). Pierre made a living by fronting for the Mockery and singing Depeche Mode and Duran Duran songs as well as Billy Idol, interestingly enough the one song the majority of his audience requested he sing was "99 Luftballons" an 80's chart topper by the German Pop/Rock band Nena.

Weeds of Doubt

Pierre is first introduced in book II: Weeds of Doubt where he appears as a drunk, unkempt, unruly youth (17 at the time) who claims to know the whereabouts of Gloria Stephensonsen, however this proves to be false as he demands to be taken to a bar (despite being underage) and forces himself ontop of Crystie, fornicating with her in the back of Gloria's car and later fornicates with Angela behind a Taco Bell dumpster.

Weeds in the Garden

Pierre appears many years later in Book III: Weeds in the Garden as Angela and Crystie's co-husband. His involvement comes in after learning of Gloria's apparent death at the hands of her rent-a-cop son. Pierre (disguised as a doctor) abducts Gloria from her room at the hospital and burries her in a shallow ditch outside of his trailer ala Pet Semetary (believing in a Native American folk legend that says and deceased burried there could return to life). He later appears to be confronted by Angela, Crystie, and Gloria for having cheated and embarrassed them. For the rest of the story he wishes to reconcile with Gloria, however he cannot find her (as she has somehow bound and locked herself in his trunk). Depressed at the Peach Pit, Pierre orders a double dance from two strippers "Star" and "Sunshines" (Crystie and Angela) not knowing that they are his wives. He breaks down and condemns himself for acting foolish and Crystie and Angela forgive him for his past actions, this results in the two women competing against each other and end up in the handicap stall in an "un-cooperative threeway".
Later the three of them are wining and dining (puportedly at the same table) at a Village Inn restaurant when Olivia barges in with an army of Rats and Cockroaches and wielding a pair of nunchucks fashiones out of two dead cats tied together at the tails. Pierre alerts two nearby off duty police officers to Olivia by exclaiming that she is a suicide bomber and flees through the men's bathroom window as Olivia is shot dead.

Later Pierre checks in at Gloria's house to see if either of his wives are there (not knowing they were forced into prostitution), however he only finds his biological children Seth Stephensonsen and David Stephensonsen, and Mary Stephensonsen (presumed to be his daughter) develops feelings for him, but he flees from the house after making out with Mary and ensuing alercation with Angela. Pierre is comforted by Crystie while driving around the cul-de-sac in circles, attracting everyone's attention. Pierre lies to Crystie about his relationship with Gloria stating that she was going to teach him atheism by Richard Dawkins fueling Crystie's doubts about Pierre.

Also throughout the story Pierre is repeatedly sniped at by the fillipino assassin Chai Garcia who was under the impression that he is/was a member of the Motley Gang and even confronts him while fornicating with Snowangel (Mary in disguise) at the Peach Pit.

Pierre takes Snowangel home to his trailer outside of the cul-de-sac and gets a visit from Crystie (his wife) who is under the assumption that he is sneaking around with his wife (Angela). Pierre dismisses Crystie's claims as paranoia and threatens to call the police if she does not leave, he then returns his attention to Snowangel.

Pierre is phoned up by Angela later the next day asking for a ride and so he picks her and her kids up from the store and drops them off at Gloria's house where he discovers Snowangel/Mary on the couch and becomes violently sick to his stomach upon the realization that he had slept with his (supposed) daughter, he attempts suicide by downing a bottle of bleach but David and Seth intervene. Matters get worse when Mary announces from atop the pool table that she is indeed pregant with Pierre's child. Pierre along with the rest of the family all demand shots of hard liqour.


Pierre is a sexual deviant and philanthropist. Pierre is described to be streetsmart and attractive but comes across somewhat clueless. He is childish and selfish at times, wanting to flee from his wives rather than accept responsibility for his actions but later has a change of heart and wishes to make it up to them. Despite marrying two women at the same time, Pierre is not described as a bygamist/polygamist, one reason is that he is not actively involved in the lives of either of his wives or children and lives by himself in a trailer. Despite having committed bygamy, Pierre expresses that he is merely a lost individual caught between a scylla (Angela) and charybdis (Crystie) and that he ended up marrying both women as a result of their personal rivalry with each other, and not out of personal interest.

Religous Views

Pierre personally does not practice any "mainstream" religions (which is one reason Gloria finds him tolerable) his mother and aunts were practicing French Heugonauts, and his father was a member of the Church of England. Pierre claims to have abandoned mainstream religion for buddism, but this was most likely a con in order to seem enlightened so that women would sleep with him.


*Pierre Miserables (First appearance)
*Weeds of Doubt
*Weeds in the Garden
*The Prettiest Weed
*Interview with the Gardener
*Beyond the Valley of the Weeds


*Alfred Hawkins (Father)
*Alouette LeFleur (Mother)
*Cygne LeFleur (Aunt)
*Grues LeFleur (Aunt)
*Gloria Stephensonsen (Mother-in-law)
*Angela Stephensonsen (Wife)
*Marcia Katz (Mother-in-law)
*Crystie Katz (ex-wife)
*David Stephensonsen (Son)
*Seth Stephensonsen (Son)
*Wednesday Stephensonsen (Son)
*Friday Hawkins (Son)
*Saturday Hawkins (Son)
*Sunday Hawkins (Daughter)
*Wednesday Hawkins (Daughter)


  • Pierre is 17 during the events of Book II and 34 after the timeskip
  • Pierre is two years younger than his wives to literally express the difference in maturity between two nineteen year old girls and a seventeen year old boy.
  • Pierre's surname "Hawkins" was not mentioned by any of the characters in the story.
  • Pierre does not have a real job, instead he acts as a broker/dealer to other johns, sells items on the blackmarket internet site b-Bay and performs as the frontman for a punk rock group called The Cowardly.
  • Pierre has an English accent, to be specific it is of the Manchester variety.
  • Pierre has seven piercings: Two in his ears, one on his eyebrow, his tongue, nipples, and naval are pierced.
  • Pierre has a tattoo of the ourabouros (serpent eating its tail) on his back
  • Pierre is at least 6'0" according to Angela who was shopping for casket wood at Lowe's.
  • Pierre has heterochromia so one of his eyes are blue while the other is green.
  • Pierre's hair color is black and if often worn in spiked like an eightie's Billy Idol.
  • Despite being married to both women Pierre does not live with either of them and instead lives in his trailer, this is because Gloria denies Pierre as being the father of Angela's children and denies him access to the house as well as Marcia not wanting another man in the house because of her husband.
  • Pierre's middle name; Rouge-Gorge/Robin refers to the bird; the red robin.
  • Pierre's aunts referred to him as "Rouge-Gorge" despite his given name being Pierre.
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