Interview With The Gardener

Preceded By: The Prettiest Weed
Followed By: Beyond the Valley of the Weeds


Interview with the Gardener takes place immediately after the events of the Prettiest Weed and is the penultimate event chronicaling the lives of the Stephensonsen and the Katz families as told by Mr. Miller.


Unlike previous weeds stories, Interview with the Gardener is divided into chapters; the first being a retelling of how the Stephensonsen and Katz families came to Knotsburg and how Gloria and Marcia were conceived, and the last detailing the future of said families and of Knotsburg.

Chapter 1

The story unfolds in the office of a FBI agent named Gale Hooper who questions Mr. Miller on the circumstances that led up to the events of the Knotsburg Incident. Mr. Miller relates the tale of Gloria and Marcia's parents moving to California in the 1950's and settling down in a recently settled community calld Knotsburg. The gardener informs the FBI agent that unbeknownst to Gloria Stephensonsen and Marcia Katz they are half-sisters and share a father George in common. The FBI agent asks Mr. Miller how he could possibly know this and what relevance it has to the story but the gardener tells him to shut up and listen. The Gardener explains that Barbara Llewellyn and Lorraine Hammill the mothers of Gloria and Marcia respectively had affairs with the same man on numerous occasions and ended up giving birth to baby girls on the same day, in the same year.

Chapter 2

Chapter 2 deals with the events of what took place just after the Prettiest Weed, Gloria had defeated the Tiamat Cult along with the Holy Rollers and the Jim Jonas Bros Cult with her harsh, unwavering cynacism and skepticism of all religions and of course relied heavily on Richard Dawkins materials.

Some five months later Gloria had caught Stan parading around with his secret other family and confronted him about their identities. Gloria ultimately divorced him, without offering an ultimatum or a chance to seek couple's counseling. After throwing Stan out of the house (who goes onto live with his secret other family in their cramped apartment) she moves to Portland, leaving the house to her daughter Angela and husband Pierre.

Crystie and Pierre mutually decide to get a divorce, citing that she was never really in love with him but was merely competing with Angela.
Angela along with her children begin using the Hawkins surname. Pierre sells his trailer and moves in with Angela.

Stan marries Sheila and live happily together in their tiny apartment in North Knotsburg.

The Wednesdays are discovered to be brother and sister (a fact revealed by them sharing the same surname and father), they are also revealed to be named "Scott" and "Dot" by their mothers respectively. In return, the Wednesdays decide to distance themselves from each other for a while in order to sort things out.

With Gloria gone, and Pierre married to only one of them, Angela and Crystie begin a budding friendship and enjoy each other's company.

Marcia meets a new named Elias and is happy for the first time in years. Dolores Katz continues to live with Marcia and the grandchildren despite Dan's absence.

Todd and Kaleidoscope start a group for child refugees of cults and get engaged in the process.
Bill and Sue (now Sid) Katz get an apartment together and experience life as twin brothers.
David, Seth, and Scott attend public school for the first time at Bradbury High School, where they meet the Katz children for the first time (albeit Scott who already knew Dot).
Scott meets a new girl named Alyssa and Dot meets a boy named Blaine, they begin dating not long after.

Paul and John decide to permenantly switch careers as Paul is no longer happy being a security guard and John is disastisfied with his work as an actor.

Pierre reunites his father whith his mother, and the two rekindle the romance they shared almost 35 years ago and decide to get married, making Pierre the best man and Angela the maid of honor.

While dancing as "Snowangel", Mary quits her job after getting advice from fellow dancer Spice and seeks out Zelda Sinatrason for professional help.

Thom (Friday), Holt (Saturday) and Brenda (Sunday) Katz start a pro-wrestling club after school at Bradbury High School.

The Defacto prostitutes: Bubbles, Vula, Gogo, Kandi Korn, and Michelle Kim open a dry cleaning business called Happy Endings in Townhill.

Eileen and Ben Dover are finally caught and are sentenced 10 - 25 years in prison.

While working for Zelda, Mary meets a young man named Jasper whom she thinks is "hot". She also meets a mysterious man named Alex who is from Detroit and happens to be looking for Angela.

Lorraine Hammill and Barbara Llewellyn reunite at the gravesite of George and comment on how funny it is that their grandchildren were doing exacyly what they were doing some fifty-four years ago. Lorraine scoffs that it's none of their concern anymore and that their heirs will have to deal with the problems now. Barbara agrees and says that the future has been left in their hands and wonders how it will turn out with them being in charge, Lorraine notes that they will most likely be dead by then. The two share a laugh before parting ways.

Chapter 3

Chapter 3 takes places eighteen years in the future, in the year 2029 and many changes have been made.

Mr. Miller had retired from groundskeeping and was replaced by his great-grandson Gareth AKA Mr. Miller, who is telling the story.

Scott and Alyssa have a child they name Gio, while Dot and Blaine have a child they name Giana. Mary marries a man named Dunstan and has a son named Abel. Todd and Kallie have two sons named Kirk and Mike.

Sid Katz (Sue) moves to Toronto and marries a woman named Phyllis, while Bill lives happily alone in his art studio with his many cats.

Stand Stephensonsen dies in a car accident and Gloria and Sheila have an awkward exchange of words at his funeral.
Crystie meets a man named Griff and marries him and has sixtuplets named: Esmeralda, Saphir, Reuben, Pearl, Jade, and Garnet.
John Stephensonsen and Tina get married and have a son named Max, while Paul is a highly successful actor in New York but is still alone.

Marcia and Elias move to Maui and leave their house to their children and grandchildren.

David and Seth marry the Yamamoto Twins and have four children each.

Thom, Holt, and Brenda Katz start a successful professional-wrestling inspired rock band and travel the globe.

Mary and Dunstan go off to find Marie Hawkins, who was left in the care of Mathilda.

Pierre closes the Peach Pit and opens a family restaurant that many of his illegitimate children work at.

Gloria looks through an old box of photos and sees a picture of her mother standing next to George and Lillian Hammill and puts two and two together. She looks at a Stephensonsen family portrait and then looks out the window to see her grandchildren and great grandchildren getting along with the Katz Family. A satisfied smile appears on her face as she rocks herself to sleep in a rocking chair in the attic (now converted into a bedroom) of the Stephensonsen Residence.



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