Gloria Stephensonsen
Gloria Stephensonsen
Nickname Atheist Bitch
Gender Female
Date of Birth October 31 1959 (52)
Starsign Scorpio
Birthplace Los Angeles (CA)
Hometown Knotsburg
Race Caucasian
Nationality American
Height 5'6"
Weight 120 lbs
Hair Color Dark Brown
Eye Color Brown
Job N/A
Status Alive

Gloria Stephensonsen (nee. Llewellyn) is a main character from Weeds in the basement. She resides in the fictional cul-de-sac of Townhill in Knotsburg, presumably located in either California or Texas (or both). Gloria is a working wife and mother of three, she is also an avid fundamentalist atheist and usually protests peaceful church communions often unprovoked, and will often at times go to militiristic lengths to execute a plan.

History

Gloria grew up in an established moderately wealthy family. Her mother; Barbara "Babs" Guggenheim-Llewellyn had affair with a man named George (at the same time he was having an affair with Marcia's mother Lorraine Hammill), making Gloria and Marcia half-sisters and their daughters: Angela and Crystie cousins by default. At the time Gloria's mother was married to Broderick Llewellyn and alluded him to believe that Gloria was his, thus she was raised to believe she was his daughter.

Weeds in the Basement

We are first introduced to Gloria's character on a chilly Thanksgiving day afternoon. As she is delivering an extra pumpkin pie over to her neighbor Marcia, she writes on a post-it note in red ink: "Your god is false, there is no god. Get it right or else!" (with the else part underlined three times). It is while delivering the pie that she witnesses the Katz children looking what she described to be "pornographic christian propaganda". She screams out "Filthy little christians!" dropping the pie to the ground and alerting Marcia and her parents of her presence at the same time. Gloria and Marcia get into an argument that quickly escalates into a violent altercation. The police arrive on the scene shortly thereafter and arrest everyone outside and take them down to the police station.

Sometime later Gloria returns home to find the house empty (her husband Stan was out secretly having Thanksgiving with another family, and her children were in the Basement interrogating Todd, Bill, & Reese). Before Gloria has a chance to ask what is going on, Marcia arrives looking for her own children and finds them locked up in Gloria's house. The two get into another violent argument and the police are again called onto the scene.

Weeds of Doubt

Gloria reappears in the second entry in the "Weeds" series in Weeds of Doubt, the second installation of the Weeds saga. Gloria is re-introduced as having doubts on her views on life. After witnessing the "Christian kids" (Katz children) next door she is convinced that there must be a Satan; an idea that rocks the entire core of her belief system.
Gloria goes on to postulate that if there is such an evil force at work like the Devil, then there must be an even worse force like God who is manipulating everyone into becoming Christians. It is after having this realization that Gloria cannot come to terms with the idea of her life being plot to a higher power's purpose so she fills the kitchen sink up with water and promptly holds her head into the sink in hopes of commiting suicide, however she is foiled by her children who pull her out of the sink.

Gloria tells her children an atheist perspective on religion and doubt and makes a metaphor concerning weeds, she then realizes that she has not weeded her garden in weeks and proceeds to do so in an attempt to distract herself from her stark realization.

While gardening, Gloria witnesses her children along with the next door children (the Katz children) walking away together to play a game of football. Gloria has an epiphany and truly believes that the end is nigh.

Weeds in the Garden

The Prettiest Weed

Personality

Gloria is "self-involved" in the lives of others, she does not hesitate to impart her judgmental viewpoints on others, which often results in a heated (if not violent) confrontment. Gloria is seen as a proud, strong, responsible, intelligent, and nosy (self-involved). Gloria is also extremely arrogant believing to the point if a sword that every little misnomer Richard Dawkins drops is in fact "the truth" and believes herself to always be 99% more correct than her peers (which also leads to some heated if not violent confrontments). Gloria is also seen more as a follower than a leader or having some sort of "hero worshiping" complex due to her strong support for Richard Dawkins. Gloria is also a hypocrite and a contrarian; clashing with the popular beliefs of others around her and chastizing her family members for doing things that she does regulalry (i.e. sleeping around with Pierre).

Religious Views

Gloria does not practice any mainstream religions, nor does she allow them to be practiced in her home. Gloria is a prideful atheist and a staunch follower of Richard Dawkins almost to the point of fanatacism. She enjoys using the "Selfish Gene" in order to combat the arguments of religious figures such as a minister, the pope, and a rabbi. Despite being atheist, Gloria ironically often refers to her idol and others using religious aspects suc as caling Dawkins the "messiah" and claiming her daughter had a "virgin birth".

Political Views

Gloria has claimed that she is "unaffiliated" with any current political parties as she will not have a hand in the inevitable downfall of the U.S. American judical system. Despite being "unaffiliated" Gloria expresses many viewpoints and ideas that come across as being conservative.

Relationships

Stan Stephensonsen
Gloria's highschool sweetheart and father of her three children. Stan and Gloria share a very passive-agressive relationship, with Gloria being very much the agressor. Gloria is easily annoyed by Stan's antics such as sleeping out on the front porch like a dog, trying to tell a story when she is better at it, and answering the telephone as: "the lord of the house". The final straw in Gloria and Stan's already strained marriage is when Stan sells the Stephensonsen name to Mtv for a new reality series featuring the family as the cast. This forced Gloria to legally change her name to Marge Hathaway for two years until the contracts expired.

Angela Stephensonsen
Gloria's eldest child and only daughter, she originally acted very much like her mother in terms of sharing her overzealous fundamentalist view of atheism, however later on she has seemingly lost interest after having Pierre's children. Gloria often finds herself reeling in shock after discovering the various inappropriate things that her daughter has been involved in (i.e. stripping, prostitution) and often cries of embarrassment and shame after bailing her daughter out of jail, despite Gloria herself having been jailed on numerous occasions throughout the story.

Pierre Hawkins
The biological father of Angela's children, Gloria disapproves of the inappropriate nature of Angela and Pierre's relationship and denies legal documentation (stating it was forged and could have been written by anyone) that he is the father. So much so that Gloria refuses to allow Pierre in the hours (when the children are awake and Angela is home at least). Gloria is also one of many women in the cul-de-sac to have had sexual relations with Pierre.

Marcia Katz
Gloria's secret half-sister, Gloria and Marcia have lived across from each other in the Townhill cul-de-sac for as long as they can remember and Gloria has acted grumpily if not hostile towards Marcia and her family; who in turn react indifferently to Gloria's various outbursts.

Scott "Wednesday" Stephensonsen
Angela's youngest son, and Gloria's youngest grandchild; Gloria at first does not take much interest in Wednesday but eventually comes to value him moreso than the others after realizing that he has the potential to become a true pioneer of atheist politics. She begins picketing and protesting with Wednesday and spends more time teaching him about Richard Dawkins than the other children. Gloria also discourages Wednesday spending time with Pierre Hawkins.

Eunice Cosgrove
Gloriaoccasionally receives visits from her husband's old schoolmates, Eunice & Guilliame Cosgrove. While Guilliame is relaxed and easy going, Eunice is very snobby and nosy and enjoys rubbing Gloria's face in her vast amount of accomplishments. She is known to ridicule Gloria for not attending the same posh private school as her husband attended, and often compares Gloria's children to her own only to retract it by claiming that when it comes to proper education and a posh home life that there is no comparison.

Family

*Abe Guggenheim (Maternal Grandfather)
*Barbara Llewellyn (Mother)
*Broderick Llewellyn (Step Father)
*Cosmo Llewellyn (Brother)
*Astrid Llewellyn (Sister)
*Venus Llewellyn (Sister)
*Lucifer Llewellyn (Brother)
*George (Biological father)
*Stan Stephensonsen (Ex-Husband)
*Angela Stephensonsen (Daughter)
*Paul Stephensonsen (Son)
*John Stephensonsen (Son)
*Pierre Hawkins (Son-in-law)
*Seth Stephensonsen (Grandson)
*David Stephensonsen (Grandson)
*Mary Stephensonsen (Granddaughter)
*Wendesday Stephensonsen (Grandson)
*Marcia Katz (Half-Sister)
*Todd Katz (Nephew)
*Crystie Katz (Niece)
*Bill Katz (Nephew)
*Sue Katz (Niece/Nephew)
*Reese Katz (Nephew)
*Friday Hawkins (Grandnephew)
*Saturday Hawkins (Grandnewphew)
*Sunday Hawkins (Grandniece)
*Wednesday Hawkins (Grandniece)

Trivia

  • Among Gloria's hobbies are: picketting churches on Sundays, protesting anything that includes the phrase "God bless" in public areas, and she enjoys filing off the "In God we trust" motto from any coin currency she collects.
  • Pierre attempted suicide 17 years later after Gloria's failed attempt (Kitchen Sink)
  • Although her profession is never stated within the series, it is revealed that she is in fact a lawyer in the Facts of Weeds character and data-ebook. This is especially hilarious due to all of the illegal things she has done despite having firm knowledge of the law.
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